The suspense is killing me...

Which is ironic because I like to write stories that are a bit suspenseful.

I was given the wonderful opportunity this week to submit my query to Brenda Drake's Pitch Wars Query Workshop and though my query is sent and the deed is done, I cannot stop thinking about all the ways I wrote it wrong.

It was:
  too short
  too vague
  too friendly in closing
  should have been more professional

The list goes on, but these are the only points off the top of my head after a mug of wine. The mentors who participate in Brenda's pitch contest are amazing. I will be submitting to the actual contest in July but wonder if I've already blown the "first impression" with a subpar query.

Ack! The nerves.

Guess we will find it June when my query is cut up and left on the writing floor. In the meantime, I'm going to try very hard to write.

I got momentum, oh yes I do

It's amazing the things I learn about myself as I get older. For example: young me thought surprises added spice to life. Surprise flowers at work? Beautiful! Surprise visit from family? Okay. Overdressed for surprise 23rd birthday party at a friend's house where I walked in with an armful of shoes? (cause I couldn't pick the right ones, that's why and not the point) Umm....ok.

Realization when pregnant with my first, my Monkey: I had to know if she would be a boy or girl. Same with the second. Hubby protested. I won. Then again, I should always win, right?

Lesson learned? I don't like surprises. Go figure. That's probably why I spend so much time planning my story structure. Where will the key story points fall? How many chapters should this piece have and how many pages per chapter?

I acknowledge this is overkill. I am trying to change. :)

The point is, I learned something else about myself: I am a very "visual" person. As in, I can't get this story to on the page without the right visual cues. Music works for many - they hear a song, a lyric, a string of words that inspires them to write a scene. The music will move them forward. This author will create entire playlists for their journey through their story. This doesn't work for me as I tend to block music out. It's there in the background, creating the white noise which allows me to concentrate, but only the best beat is going to compel me to turn up the volume and bop my head.

Yes, bop.

So I couldn't start my current story - a piece that I have been thinking of since before Christmas - because I didn't have the inspiration. Google was kind enough to lend me a hand. Figureatively. Cause, you know, Google don't have no hands.

I digress.

Below are the images whispering to me. They've provided much needed cohesion for my scattered thoughts. And you might even notice that the second one is my current background. Seems that with every new piece I'm going to have to adjust my backgrounds and avatars otherwise I'll waste time staring at a blinking cursor on a blank white page.

What do you do to get past roadblocks?

To write, or not to write: that is my dilemma

Whether the writing is to post on this blog or up the word count on my latest MS, I'm unable to commit the time to the task. I've lost the motivation and can't seem to find it. I'm in a writing slump folks, and I don't know how to claw my way out of this hole.

:(

Suggestions?

I am still addicted to writing boards, writing blogs, reading about writing contests, and every time I read a success story I think "See! Why aren't I doing that? Where am I aiming?" I have lost my focus and am worried my blurry sight won't clear. Every night I turn on my computer, I start Word at the point I last stopped, but I cannot write any new words on the page. It's sad, really, because this new story deserve to be told.

I think I'm just afraid to tell it. I'm definitely afraid I won't do it justice.

And I don't know how to turn off all of these doubts.

Sooo...yea. Hi!

It's been too long. I know. Not that anyone's missed me I'm sure, but I've missed this outlet. The truth is that it's been a very hard winter for my family and me. If the hurdle to overcome wasn't yet another virus attacking my kids or me or my in-laws, it was work, or personal troubles. I think most of that's behind me now. Almost. Kinda. Came home today to learn my Monkey has a temperature and upset stomach. Poor thing is trying to keep the crackers down right now - and is failing.

:(

As far as the writing goes: I took part in an self-editing workshop for some of Jan and learned that I don't know how to write a beginning. (insert another sad face here) I HATE the first quarter of my UF. It's choppy, the writing mediocre, the plot all but buried in exposition. Re-writing is the only way to salvage the piece and I don't have the will right now. I've started redoing page one at least three dozen times and am completely fed up. This probably means I'm starting in the wrong place. But then I don't know where the right place is! And...and...

I've shelved it for now. I'll come back to it later because I love the rest of the piece but that first quarter is not working.

However, thanks to a little story nugget my cousin provided me, I'm slowly working on a new piece. One that starts in the right place so I don't torture myself with this issue again. Thank goodness. Also, I've decided not to be so rigid with the story structure. Though keeping track of words per day and pages per chapter worked before, I want to take my time with this piece and really let it gel. I didn't give the other piece that chance.

Here's hoping it pays off.

The end of NaNo but not The End

Yes yes, NaNoWriMo ended 6 days ago. However, I retreated from almost everything writing related after day 30. I've spent the time recovering from the over-caffienation, over-stimulation, and general awesomeness that was the support of the NaNo community. I hope I have the energy to do this next year. Hmm, should probably stock up on candy bars, coffee gift cards, and wrist braces, cause oh did my wrists suffer.

All worth it though. During the month of Nov I managed to write 67,232 words which put my WIP at 81,352 words. 90% complete yo!* I can finally sees "the end" on the horizon. It looks...blurry. : )

I'm still not positive how Carmen is getting from the climax to the finish. I know where I want her to end up, even have a picture of the scene in my head, but these last few chapters have been torturous. Partly because I am literally torturing Carmen, the other part because I'm not sure I'm being realistic about the level of mean. In fact, might have to get meaner. Still not sure how that will work.

See - fuzzy.

While I've been mulling on that, some story points became clear and my desktop is full of stickies with those ideas before they can flit away. Thank goodness these are the electronic kind. I am easily finding my little reminders and best of all, Monkey can't take them away to make them "pretty" with her crayons and Munchkin can't run away with them period. Kid is a genius at hiding stuff at 14 mos. Only good things can come from this, right?

Yea, didn't think so.

*Yes, I said "yo". I blame my baby sister, nine years younger than me, who tries to influence my 4 yo to talk this way but manages to stick the worms in my head instead. Thank goodness her lesson in teaching Monkey thug-talk failed. Instead of "gangsta", 4yo kept saying "gang-STAR!" So much cuter. Though I could have done without her throwing a peace sign as she said it.

My family - they's classy.