Hello world, how have you been in the, oh, almost two months I've been away? Working harder than me, or hardly working as I have been? I tried, I really tried to accomplish some things during my time off, but only succeeded in delaying and doubting my abilities more. You're probably thinking "well get over it", and I wish it were that easy, but my self-doubt has been reinforced more and more lately by none other then hubby.
He was very supportive in the beginning of my journey - when I supplied a supplemental income to the household - but the cheers have quieted down since then. For a year since the lay off I've been trying hard join the workforce, but it just seems Columbus, OH doesn't want to help me out. I know it's hokey, but I believe in forces outside oneself, and after the first few months of silence I thought, hey, maybe this means I should be pursuing this other thread. All well and good, if I didn't have someone breathing down my back about snipping it for the "more substantial" line. *sigh*
It's put me in a rut I'm not ashamed to admit. I don't think hubby doubts my abilities - though he's never seen one of my pieces - he just wishes that I'd be more focused on the job hunt. Hey, I apply to everything that appeals to me and I feel a good fit for, but he's trying to push me into arena's I have no interest in being a participant of. Let's just say the home fires aren't burning so cheerily right now and they're distracting me like no other.
I should've labeled this entry "dear diary", and forewarned of the pity party I was dumping on this page so you'd feel better about ignoring it. Truth be told, I just needed to tell someone of my woes, and throwing it onto the blog appealed to me.
Did you know the root of my name means "happiness"? Bet not, I didn't for about twenty one years of my life. :) Still, once I found out I thought of how appropriate it seemed. I'm generally a cheery person, always trying to look on the bright side of things, but haven't been able to get past my clouds lately. Maybe I need to get back to the root of things and not worry about the rest. Easier said than done, no? Well, I'll try to keep you posted.
Rambling over. Onward ho!
~Hetal
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